Hot ‘n’ Juicy: food blogger discovers new torture method!

Imwalle Gardens garlicIn a totally unexpected turn of events, by simply being greedy about a source of locally grown garlic and a race to process it all without using gloves, I have discovered a more effective and more nefarious method of torture than the always popular Chinese Water Torture.

what earth givesHere’s how it works:

  • Sit your prisoner down at a table equipped with a huge pile of whole garlic heads.
  • Force prisoner to peel all the garlic with bare hands and offer no water to rinse them with once they start getting grimy and sticky.
  • Within one hour the accumulative effect of the hot ‘n’ sticky fresh garlic juices will begin to burn the prisoner’s fingers and the skin under their nails will be especially painful.
  • They will brave it out for a while and that’s when you bring in a fresh pile of whole heads of garlic and make them peel these too.  The sight of more garlic may be enough to break them at this point.
  • Tell them about the permanent damage the hot garlic juice will do to their fingertips by the time they have peeled 40 heads of garlic with their bare hands; how the tips of their fingers will be destroyed by the volatile juice as though they had been dipped in hydrochloric acid.

whole garlic cloves in oilThe beauty of this torture is that there’s virtually no end to it.  The pain is cumulative so you don’t even feel it coming until it’s unbearable and renders your hands completely useless.  It will wear down even the most sturdy of prisoners and, like all good torture methods, will get you RESULTS.

 

chopped garlicWith this method you are guaranteed to get 100% unreliable intel out of any prisoner you use it on because they’ll be desperate to tell you whatever they think you want to know.

chopped garlic 3An exclusive benefit to the Hot ‘n’ Juicy Garlic Method of Torture©® is that once your prisoner breaks you’ll have a year’s worth of garlic to put in the freezer!

Good things happen when you combine smart thinking with urban homesteading!

Disclaimer: for best results use freshly harvested garlic.  Inventor cannot be held responsible for revenge plots hatched and carried out by the victims of this torture method.

Preserving notes: 76 heads of garlic grown locally by Imwalle Gardens has resulted in many jars of whole and chopped garlic in olive oil in the freezer and possibly permanently damaged fingertips on the left hand, especially the index finger.  Would like to further note that claims of magic tricks to peel garlic using jars or bowls did NOT result in more than 1 in 50 cloves being peeled.  Hand peeling still best method.  Recommend using gloves even if you have to rinse them every 60 seconds to keep them from sticking to everything and making you want to hurl because it triggers sense of panic and claustrophobia of the hands.

 

2 thoughts on “Hot ‘n’ Juicy: food blogger discovers new torture method!

  1. angelina Post author

    I tried a version of this and it didn’t work well for me but I think it might be because the garlic was really fresh – the skins come off more easily when the garlic has had a chance to age a little bit more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>