Finding Everyday Rhythm

The first thing I baked in our new house were hamburger buns using my friend Emma’s recipe posted at The Kitchn.  It was wonderful to bake bread again – I haven’t done it for years.  My mom was baking bread for us in this past year and I loved it.  But I missed the feel of young dough in my own hands.  These buns are the best I’ve ever had so if you want to have a hamburger bun that will stand up to your burgers – make this recipe!

Unpacking is a slow process when you’re me.  I get easily overwhelmed by all the other details of moves that must be attended to, such as getting your new State license (you’re supposed to do it within 10 days of moving!!!!!) and paying off old bills and communicating with the IRS and setting up new accounts for everything.  Still, we’re making progress.  Even though we don’t have everything we own down here yet.  Yes, there’s one more trip with a truck to go.  Were we worried about fitting all our furniture here for good reason?  No.  It’s pretty bare in here and we could use all the furniture we already have that’s mouldering in our poor old house in McMinnville.

My sister visited us this weekend and lit a fire under our ass such that my old rhythm was kickstarted: we cleaned, we unpacked, we did house things that normal people do weekly like sweep the porch and the floors and mop and scrub… it was brilliant and I haven’t felt that good in a long time.  Maybe 7 years.  If you think that’s pathetic you are invited to keep that to yourself.
Everything here is way more expensive than it was in McMinnville.  Our water bill for July is $145 and the biggest water bill we ever paid in Oregon was $90.  Food is more costly and the most shocking thing I’ve noticed so far is that the produce in the supermarkets is not nearly as good and fresh as it is in Winco – the poor people’s discount market – I haven’t been to the farmer’s market yet which is probably where I’ll find the best produce but this is California for God’s sake!  Everything grows here.  There is little excuse for produce to be bruised, old, or sad here.  Yet, this is what is.

It is heartening and also telling to see more and more vegetable growing going on in empty lots here and in front gardens.  It is going to be a real boon to grow food on my FIL’s property for the family (if he lets me).

Sometimes I wonder if anyone misses seeing that fat chick whizzing by them on her conspicuous Vespa.  I can’t help but hope my Vespa will be remembered.

I have been having a lot of thoughts about home economy and what that means and how to evaluate it after having a troll plague an old post of mine that tackles the question of whether or not sewing your own clothes in economical.  I have been wondering how best to evaluate the cost of living and the cost of doing things oneself – there’s the compound way of looking at the numbers, there’s the flat way that takes some allowances, and there’s the straight across the board price comparison.  Now that I’m living in such an expensive place I’m compelled to look for new ways of conserving energy and of saving money.

I have so many details to sort out still.  I have to pass my motorcycle written DMV test, I have to pick primary doctors, I have to unpack and do laundry.  But the bottom line is that except for missing the people I care about and enjoy who still live in Yamhill County – I’m so fucking happy to be home I feel incandescent under this bloated disgusting body that I am going to reclaim.

I’m not lonely.  I’m not an outcast here.  I’m not outside all the social circles – I’m in my own social circle!  There aren’t so many social cliques – or at least if there are I am blissfully unaware of them and therefore unable to feel left out and leprous.

Life isn’t perfect anywhere.  I’m terrified for Max to start school.  I’m worried about the price of life.  But I’m also hopeful and this house is amazing.  Every morning I feel lucky to wake up here.

The reality for a person with chronic major depressive disorder and GED is that life WILL be full of difficult days and no amount of life happiness is going to prove the easy cure to what is wrong with my body.  Still – the base line of comfort and happiness matter a great deal – if your baseline is pretty good then the bad days are easier to handle.  If your  baseline is very low and dark then it’s only that much more of a struggle to see light.

I feel my life rhythm returning and that is vital to my stability and my overall sense of well being.

I swept my front porch and trimmed my geranium to encourage more growth.

To most people this would be the most ridiculous thing to celebrate.

I am not most people.

I am happy right now.


10 thoughts on “Finding Everyday Rhythm

  1. Ann

    I’m so happy you’re feeling happy. I know exactly how you feel about sweeping the porch and trimming your plant. I celebrate life like that, too. We can celebrate together.

  2. angelina Post author

    Thank you Ann! Small details and actions can make a huge difference in daily life. I just tried to leave a comment on your blog but the captcha thing is not accepting my input – I tried 4 times and it said I got it wrong each time. I know I could have gotten it wrong once or twice but not 4 times. I’ll try again right now but if you don’t see a comment – the gist of it is that I am with you on that money rant!

  3. Amanda

    I’ve been checking here lately and I’m happy to see an update. You sound so happy to be “home”. McMinnville misses you though. Your house looks beautiful. It’s overwhelming to move so don’t be too hard on yourself. The weird thing about produce, the places that produce it rarely get to keep the good stuff … it is sold to far off places for much more money. Sigh. Farmers markets and raised beds are the way to go. My garden is the envy of the neighborhood and it’s just a year old. :) My husband just bought me a Vespa, I’m studying for my motorcycle license as we speak! I’ve gotta figure out how to get the dog to ride with me though. When you come up to get the rest of your things come into WINCO and say “hi”. I’m very happy you are “home” now and happy. – amanda Winco Checker always at checkstand No. 2

  4. angelina Post author

    Hi Amanda! I’m so glad you’ve come here and commented. I definitely depended mostly on farmer’s markets and my own garden for my produce but I have to say that Winco surprised me often with the number of locally grown things they carry – and most of what they carry is in pretty good shape. I miss shopping at Winco. I also miss seeing you there! How fabulous that you have a Vespa now – what model did you get? I love my Vespa so much. I have an ET4. McMinnville and the surrounding towns need some scooters flying around to remind everyone that you don’t always need an enormous truck to do what you need to do. The dog thing though – was just wondering how the hell to take my dog around on mine and I think the only way to go is to get a side car. If I find one I just might have to save up for it.

  5. angelina Post author

    I kind of agree – you don’t need anything much to go with them. Best buns EVER.

  6. angelina Post author

    Amanda – I just tried looking up Yamhill Valley Plants – I couldn’t find a website – do you have one for your business? If you do – please give me a link here so I can check it out.

  7. Ann

    Got your excellent comment. Thanks! I used to make buns, but got out of the habit. This recipe looks great! Thanks for sharing.
    God is in the details.

  8. Amanda

    So, now I have to admit I never buy produce from WINCO unless it’s bagged lettuce. I buy all of the produce at Roth’s, farmer’s markets, the veggie stand on 99W, Saturday Market or grow it. I don’t have much luck at WINCO. I also think they don’t buy locally enough. Perhaps I’m too eager to leave when I get off to really check it out. Sadly I don’t know the model, but it’s a 2008 with 138 miles on it. The original owner was afraid to ride it. We got it for $600. My husband wants to put the first 600 miles on it to “break it in” correctly. McMinnville is in farm country and they love their big trucks. I grew up knowing the gas lines of the early ’70′s to buy a gas hog. I used to walk back and forth to work for the exercise. I need to do it again. If you find a sidecar let me know! I have your blog bookmarked and I will keep up with you. I don’t have a website yet. Still a very small operation. I am growing the plants that I will sell in a few years. Then I hope to retire and have a few landscapers to keep me busy and some bucks rolling in to be happy and not working in the winter. I love everything about McMinnville but the winters. Enjoy being back “home” – amanda

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